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Is it gay if I only feel these thoughts for him? Other men do not excite me, I don't have the slightest desire for other men, it's just for Tommy. Only him.Finally I climbed into bed without disturbing Jen. I turned and tossed and slept very little all night. I was no closer to knowing what I wanted than I was earlier last night. I got up and went to the kitchen and made coffee, it was only 4:30 a.m. I sat there staring out the window watching the darkness. At about 5:00 a.m. Tommy walked in, poured a cup and sat down at the table opposite me."You couldn't sleep either?" He asked."Hardly a wink," I replied.Silence. We sat and drank our coffee without another word. I caught him staring at me several times. Finally I asked, "What? You're staring at me again, what is it?" Sorry, Josh, I'm just looking at the best friend I've ever had. This may be the last time we are ever together." WHAT! Why do you say that, Tommy? Are you not going to be my friend anymore?" Will you want to be friends. When Nick took her home, she invited him in to talk some more. It was still early, and the wine that she had drunk made her feel a little giddy but not at all sleepy. If Nick had drank anything, it wasn’t very much. It may be that her subconscious was working on her, too. She had been working her way around to deciding to sleep with Joe Farrar that night. She was not at all virginal, but it had been a while since she had a man, and she’d been masturbating every night for a week thinking about Joe. Now he was out of the picture for tonight, maybe forever from the way he had acted, and she may have wanted a substitute of some kind. It certainly didn’t mean she planned to take Nick into her bed, but she wanted a man around a little longer if it could be worked easily. It was maybe a bit after eleven when she came home with Nick, and they sat and talked and listened to music until almost one. He put an arm around her after a while, and they kissed some. When he got up to go, she gave him.
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